I’ve just realized that the past year and a half, I’ve become a lady-in-waiting. Now, that term is sometimes used for someone who is pregnant – well, that’s NOT what I mean! Just to set things straight here.
I have found the past 18 months of my life very unsettling in many ways. In September 2011, I was waiting to get packed up and move back to Canada…….. and the packers didn’t arrive until September 27th. Every day I awoke, wondering if this would be the day when we would find out the plan. I felt paralyzed by the indecision. Having stacks of things I sincerely want to do, and not getting anything actually done…. or even started.
When almost everything was packed up, the decision to take the job in Norway instead was made. Due date for arrival – December 1. And we waited. And with my air shipment unpacked so we could continue to live there, I could have gotten a lot of sewing done……… but every day I waited for news……… you are beginning to see a pattern here, aren’t you?
The past year in Norway has been similarly fraught with waiting. And although on the surface I looked like I was doing a lot, and exploring Norway and enjoying my new surroundings (and I was), under the surface, there was still this “waiting” for something to happen…….. finding a house, getting our drivers licenses, and since September, moving to Sakhalin Island in Russia. Running out to check the mail for several months to see if we had received the letter that said we could exchange our drivers licenses…….. waking up at 3:00 am and checking just in case David had sent an email saying that all was clear to pack up and move to join him in Russia.
It’s been a paralysis of the mind, if not of the body.
I’m trying to change that now – checking for the mail late in the afternoon – waiting until morning to check emails, sitting by the fire and reading or knitting instead of playing on the computer where I can keep an eye out for that email. Quilting on my frame downstairs, instead of feeling too unsettled to do more than look at it and come back upstairs.
Living every minute as its own entity and with its own importance isn’t easy. Tackling all the projects I really do want to get finished and haven’t…..can I really do this?
I’ve been practicing waiting for too long. I have too many interests to leave them sitting for much longer, or I really won’t have time to do them in this life.
Now it’s time to let the changes come as they will, and pack as much into every minute until they do.